Parents and Carers

According to the NSPCC, online grooming crimes recorded by the police have increased by more than 80% in 4 years^[1]. A recent National Crime Agency assessment of serious organised crime estimates that there are between 550,000-850,000 people in the UK who pose varying forms of sexual risk to children, including online^[2].

Any child who uses the internet is potentially at risk, and we know that 99% of children are active online^[3] and that 60% of 8-11 year olds and 89% of 12-15 year olds have a social media profile^[4].

Offenders tend to target children through well established ‘grooming pathways’ such as contacting them on social media and gaming sites and pressurising them to send self generated explicit images^[1]. They then use this material to exploit the child in some way, including sexually or financially. More than 3/4 of this ‘self-generated’ material features 11-13 year old children^[5].

Whilst we know that any child using the internet may be at risk of grooming and coercion to send explicit images of themselves, there are a wide variety of other reasons that children may choose to send images.

The most common reason is that it is seen as a normal part of their relationship with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Another common reason cited by young people is ‘I thought I looked good’^[5].

Whilst sexting in this way is relatively rare at age 11-12, figures show that it increases rapidly between the ages of 14 and 15, [5] so we feel it is important to talk to children about this before they are engaged in it and in the context of what makes a healthy relationship.

The Respected Year 7 lessons (called ‘Think Again’) use the ‘3T’s’ of good decision making to look at the issues of sexting and grooming:

Think: stop and think: why? (is this person contacting me/asking for this?) what else? (what else is going on here? Is everything all that it seems?) what next? (what might be the consequences?)

Talk: to a trusted adult

Tools: online support and advice on what to do and how to stay safe

We believe that children who are able to forge good friendships and resist peer pressure are less likely to be vulnerable to both internet predators and pressure from friends or boyfriends/girlfriends, so our programme tackles the subjects of sexting and grooming only after exploring the nature of healthy friendships and how to stand up to peer pressure.

We do not use shock tactics or aim to scare, but explain things in a way that is easy to understand and equip them with the tools that they need to keep themselves safe. We always encourage them to talk these issues through with a trusted adult, such as a parent/carer.

We would strongly encourage parents and carers to initiate conversations with their child; not only about internet safety but specifically about grooming and the exchange of explicit images/videos. Knowing that they are going to have a Respected lesson on the subject may be an appropriate opportunity to do this.

We realise that this will not be easy, but the NSPCC website has some great tips to help with:

How to talk to your child about sexting:
www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/sexting-sending-nudes

How to talk to your child about online safety:
www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/talking-child-online-safety

How to tackle difficult conversations:
www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/talking-about-difficult-topics

If you are worried or have concerns about your child in this area, you can call the NSPCC helpline on 0800 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk

Recent research consistently shows that the majority of young people will have viewed internet pornography by the age of 13, with some viewing it as early as age 7^[1,2].

Many parents and carers may understandably feel that ‘this is not my child!’, but, as parents, our perceptions of what our children are viewing do not always match the reality. A recent survey showed that whilst 75% of parents felt their child would not have seen pornography online, of those children, over half had, in fact, seen it^[1]. Girls are just as likely to have viewed it as boys^[2].

The type of online pornography that is freely available to children and young people today is unrecognisable from the adult content portrayed in ‘top shelf’ magazines and videos 20 years ago. It often shows aggressive, violent, degrading (especially to women) or dangerous acts, can involve animals, incestuous relationships and minors.

This often happens unintentionally, perhaps through adverts and pop-ups while on gaming or film/sport streaming sites or through Google searches, unwittingly using search terms without understanding the full meaning of these words.

It may also be through the receipt of links to videos on pornographic sites from friends or by being shown videos on a friend’s phone or by older year groups, particularly when they start at secondary school.

The age of first exposure to pornography seems to correlate with the age of a young person first owning a smartphone^[2]. Year 8 is also the minimum age at which young people can legally have social media accounts such as Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok, all of which are common platforms for accessing pornography.

A recent report from the BBFC found that young people who stumbled across online pornography at a young age (11-13 years), then started to actively seek it out, often to educate themselves about sex^[1,3].

Not only can this then develop into a habit that is difficult to stop, but can also lead to completely unrealistic and sometimes harmful expectations about sex and relationships.

We therefore feel that it is very important to teach young people at this stage to recognise and understand what pornography is and to equip them with the tools to respond in an appropriate way which keeps them safe and healthy.

Children of this age (and younger) have reported feeling ‘grossed out’ and ‘confused’ by viewing online pornography, or that they find it ‘funny’.

So, in the Year 8 lesson (called ‘Fake News’) the Respected programme defines clearly what internet pornography is and explains that it does not show what a normal healthy sexual relationship looks like and is not the place to go to learn about sex. It does not show any pornographic images. It explains that watching pornography can become a habit that is difficult to stop so strongly encourages turning it off and talking to a parent/carer or trusted adult about it, also signposting to the Childline website and helpline for further advice and support.

This is a relatively short part of the Year 8 programme overall and the subject of internet pornography and its impact on relationships and self esteem is addressed in much more detail in Year 11, at which stage we know that the vast majority will have seen internet pornography.

We would strongly encourage parents and carers to initiate conversations with their child about internet pornography. Knowing that they are going to have a Respected lesson on the subject may be an appropriate opportunity to do this. We realise that this will not be easy, but the NSPCC website has some great tips to help with:

Tackling difficult conversations generally with your child:
www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/talking-child-online-safety
www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/talking-about-difficult-topics

Talking to your child specifically about online pornography:
www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/inappropriate-explicit-content/online-porn
Go to section on ‘How to protect your child from online porn’ and then click on ‘Talk with your child’.

If you are worried or have concerns about your child in this area, you can call the NSPCC helpline on 0800 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk